The Meaning of Life
by Xinthos
Summary: “I know something you don’t know!” Shikamaru knew it was pointless to ask what it was, but somehow, he couldn't help himself. “Oh, and what's that?” [OneShot] [Full Summary Inside]


**A/N:** It's just pure silliness… Oh well, go ahead and read it if you want.

**Summary:** "I know something you don't know!" "Yeah, and what's that?" "Why, the meaning of life, of course!" He knew it was pointless to ask him what it was- it'd just be some made up answer that didn't make sense, but somehow, he couldn't help himself. "Oh, and what is it?"

* * *

**The Meaning of Life**

Naruto didn't get jealous very often, he was proud of his skills and what he'd accomplished in his life. He had friends, strength, talent as a ninja, and a good teacher. One thing, though, that Naruto often found himself lacking in was brains. How did he know this, you ask? He was told. Every. Single. Day. So, when Naruto found out Shikamaru was the smartest guy in all of Konoha, he decided he could make himself smarter, and set out on a quest to find something that _he_ knew and Shikamaru didn't. It took a long, long, long while, but finally, _finally_ he had found something. Now, all he had to do was tell Shikamaru.

With a sly smile on his face, Naruto took a seat next to the so-called genius.

"What are you so happy about?" Shikamaru asked, not looking away from the clouds.

"I know something you don't know!" Naruto said in a taunting voice, and his lazy companion just _had_ to raise an eyebrow at that. Since when does Naruto know _anything_?

"Yeah, and what's that?"

"Why, the meaning of life, of course!" The blond answered, sticking his chest out proudly. And why shouldn't he? It wasn't everyday that someone found out the meaning of life. In fact, he was pretty sure he was theone of the first to do it.

Shikamaru, being the smart guy that he is, knew it was pointless to ask him what it was- it'd just be some made up answer that didn't make sense, but somehow, he couldn't help himself.

"Oh, and what is it?"

"Well, to _really_ understand it, I'd have to tell you the story of how I found out."

"Hmm… that's fine. Just get on with it then, I don't have all day." Of course, he really _did_ have all day, but that doesn't mean he wanted to waste it listening to a (probably fake) story.

"Okay, okay, it all started when…"

* * *

Sakura sat at the training bench, sipping a bottle of water and gazing sparkly eyed at Sasuke, who was currently training (with his shirt off, in case you were wondering… I know you were). It was at this time that it occurred to Naruto to ask what exactly it was that made Sasuke so appealing to her.

"Sakura?" She snapped her head to the left to look at whoever had distracted her from the sport of Sasuke-watching

"What is it?" She asked, slightly irritated.

"Why do you like Sasuke?"

"Psh, it's 'cuz he's hot, duh." Naruto looked down at himself. He wasn't hot like _Sasuke _was hot, but he wouldn't say he was completely unattractive… there had to be something else.

"That's all?" He asked disappointedly. If she only liked him for the way he looked then he would be in trouble. There was no way he could- or would- make himself look like his other male teammate.

"Well, I'm not really sure." Sakura answered absentmindedly. "He's smart, too. I bet he knows _everything_."

"Everything?"

"I bet he's _so_ smart he even knows the meaning of life." She boasted for Sasuke. _The… meaning of life? What was _that_ supposed to mean?_ Despite being confused, Naruto nodded anyway, as if he knew what she was talking about.

He walked away from his teammate, leaving her to the newfound sport of Sasuke watching and made his way over to his teacher.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, a little hesitantly. What if the meaning of life was like… something perverted or weird? Nah, Sakura wouldn't talk about stuff like that. A little more confidently, he continued. "What is the meaning of life?" Kakashi looked up and stared at Naruto. Finally, he shrugged.

"The meaning of life is why we live." He said, deciding on the most vague answer he could think of.

"Do _you_ know the meaning of life, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Nope. Or maybe I do and I'm just not telling you." Naruto sighed and began walking away, but looked back just in time to see his teacher pull out his favorite orange book, and suddenly it hit Naruto like a ton of bricks. It must be in the book! _Why_ hadn't he thought of it before? Quickly making up his mind, Naruto went back to training until he could put his plan into action.

* * *

It was dark outside when Naruto made his first move. It was only by chance that Naruto knew where Kakashi lived- but how he found out is a different story for a different time. Making it to the window, Naruto opened it silently and made his way inside, using chakra to walk on the ceiling instead of the ground. Moving as quietly as he could, he began his search for the books that contained the meaning of life. Searching through several rooms, he finally came across the one all the way at the top of the house. Opening the door cautiously, he tiptoed inside and looked around in aw. It was like a _library_! Books, all orange and with the same title, were _everywhere_. Suddenly he frowned. How was he supposed to know which one of the books was the one that had the answer in it?

_Oh well,_ he thought to himself, _might as well not take any chances._ It took a few trips, but finally he managed to bring all of his teacher's books to his apartment and stored them safely in his room. With a determined mindset, he picked up the first book and began reading.

Many bloody tissues later, Naruto had finally finished the _entire_ Icha Icha Paradise series. Lifting his eyes from the book, he realized that he now had a whole new outlook on life. It was so much more… _perverted_ then he thought it had been. Why people laughed at the planet Uranus, what Jiraiya's spying is for, what Sakura had unsuccessfully tried to explain to him after asking what she and Ino were doing at that sleepover he accidently stumbled upon, _everything_. Was that what the meaning of life was? No, it couldn't be. Perverseness wasn't a reason to live- just a reason to enjoy living. Maybe the books had been a clue… that's it; they _had_ to have been a clue. What hadn't the book been clear about…? Oh, yeah, he remembered now. A lot of times in the books guys would look into a girls dresser, but Naruto never really figured out why… Was that it? Was the meaning of life in a girl's dresser? Thinking further, he leaned back and looked out the window.

He had been reading longer than he thought he'd been, as it was now broad daylight outside his window.

"Ino, you _swear_ you won't tell anybody, right?" Hmm… that sounded like Sakura. Naruto opened his window further to eavesdro- _listen_ to the conversation better.

"I swear! Now, tell me where you hid it, and you _have_ to show it to me later."

"Fine, fine, I'll show you _later_ when I'm sure no ones around. Just come over to my house later."

"Sounds good, now where'd you hide it?" Rolling her eyes, Sakura answered.

"I put it in the top drawer of my dresser." Naruto leaned away from the window and cocked his head to the side. The _dresser_ again. That _had_ to be it; all the clues pointed that way. Nodding to himself, he set off again to discover the meaning of life.

* * *

He arrived at Sakura's house a little before noon and quite tired. After all, he had spent an all nighter looking through those stupid books just for a _clue_. But finally he was where the answer was, he was sure of it. If Sakura caught him though… Naruto shuddered at the thought. He didn't want to _know_ what she could (and would) do to him. Her house was smaller than Kakashi's had been, and her room was much easier to find, due to the pink door and sign stating "Do Not Enter". Only a teenager would put a sign like that on their door.

Naruto ignored the sign completely and stalked into the room, immediately spotting the dresser on the opposite side of her bed. He opened the top drawer, just as Sakura had said, and began sifting through its contents. He scattered the underwear around the room, looking for some item that looked like it didn't belong. Finally, after the drawer was emptied of its contents, he found it. It was, it was…. a picture of Sasuke with his shirt off. He should have guessed. But no, this had to be a clue, the signs all pointed to it. But what would Sasuke have to do with the meaning of life?

_Wait… DUH!_ Why hadn't he thought of it before? Sakura herself had said that Sasuke probably knew the meaning of life already! Smirking with victory, Naruto replaced the picture in the drawer and shut it before exiting through the bedroom window and towards Sasuke's house.

* * *

His rival's house was rather hard to miss- it being a mansion and all. It was already dark by the time Naruto had finally gathered enough courage to approach the creepy looking place. Oh well, at least now Sasuke would be asleep. Naruto approached swiftly and silently; jumping up to a random windowsill and prying the window open carefully. The house was as large on the inside as it was on the outside, and that only made it all the more intimidating- like those haunted houses on Halloween or in scary movies. Pushing down that thought, he made his way down the hallway and what he knew to be Sasuke's room- that, also, is a different story for a much, much, much later time. Honestly, he'd prefer to keep thattale to himself.

Naruto cringed at the memory of an angry Sasuke but kept moving- it was too late to turn back. He snuck in through the bedroom door, doing his best not to make the floorboards creak with his movements. A large lump lay under the covers on the bed, and he approached it with caution. He was barely breathing when he finally got close enough to recognize Sasuke, but he still managed to brush off his nervousness. Now, Sasuke obviously wouldn't just tell Naruto what the meaning of life was- especially if the Uchiha found out that he had entered his house without permission. There had to be a clue somewhere- the thing might even be an _object_ for all he knew.

Naruto gently patted down Sasuke's clothes to make sure nothing was in them before moving up to his hair. Of course! Hair was a perfect place to hide things in. Pulling out a kunai, he began to slowly cut off pieces of dark black (almost blue) hair. When it was finally so short that there couldn't _possibly_ be anything in it Naruto moved on, still determined to find out what the meaning of life was. Hmm… a closet- also a good place to hide things. He opened the door and took a look inside. Clothes lined the walls of it- boxes of kunai and other useful items lay scattered on the floor along with a few other personal items. Naruto shifted through these items until finally he found-_ a journal!_

Grinning with delight, he opened it up and looked inside.

_Dear Diary,_

_Oh. My. Gosh. You should have _seen_ what Naruto was wearing today. I mean, talk about an absolutely _hideous_ fashion sense. I wanted to tell the poor guy that he'd never get Sakura with that kind of outfit on, but I really didn't want to hurt his feelings and tell him what a fashion disaster he was wearing. He _is_ my teammate after all. Anyway, so like, I was passing the hardware store when Rock Lee came out in this totally hawtt- like, with _two_ T's- outfit. Green spandex looked so totally amazing on him- he just looks so yummy! How does he do it? I think I'm actually in love with the guy, but he's only interested in Sakura! Damnit- that damn girl taking away the affection of the hottest, coolest, best guy ever who so _happens_ to be the guy I love! I mean, who does she think she is? Plus, her outfit, not to mention her hair? Talk about a total fashion statement…_

Naruto stared. Well, that certainly did explain a _lot_ of things… and his outfit wasn't a fashion disaster! Gosh, I mean he's the one wearing a color wider than his torso… Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Naruto flipped a few pages until he found the right one.

_Dear Diary,_

_I've found out something _totally_ amazing today. Sorry for being such a spazz right now, but it's not everyday you get to find out the meaning of life! I was _so_ surprised when I found out. Okay, you have to pinky promise not to tell anyone, okay diary?_

_Diary: Okay, Sasuke-kun!_

Was Sasuke really _that _lonely…?

_Okay, since I'm not exactly sure how to be tactful about this, I'll totally just spill it. The meaning of life is-_

* * *

"What did it say?" Shikamaru asked, actually interested enough to sit up instead of lie down and stare at the clouds. Naruto grinned and leaned closer, whispering something in his ear. Shikamaru looked shocked.

"_That's_ the meaning of life?" He asked, just to make sure. Naruto nodded.

"Yup," he confirmed, "the meaning of life is-"

"_**NARUTO!**_"

"My books!"

"My hair!"

"My _underwear!_" The screams of his teammates shook the air and Naruto gasped in realization. Oh. Crap. He took off sprinting, and not long after a stampeding group of people stormed up the hill he was sitting on.

"Where'd he go?" Sakura demanded, pure fury lighting up her features. Shikamaru wordlessly pointed in the direction Naruto had run off to, and watched the rest of Team Seven race off. It was only a matter of time before he was caught.

But until that moment in which everyone would be required to assist Tsunade in restoring Naruto's life, he was left on top of his hill to watch the clouds and ponder what he'd been told. It really was interesting- the meaning of life, that is.

I mean, who would have guessed the meaning of life was-

"_Please, Sakura-chan, not in the face!"_

* * *

**A/N:** Yup, that's it. So, what _is_ the meaning of life, you ask? Well, it looks like you'll never know. Do _I_ know? Well, _duh_, of course! I _did_ read Sasuke's diary after all. I had to rethink my whole idea of him- but yes, I found out what it was. The meaning of life is-


End file.
